What did 2014 bring you?

Happy New Year Girlfriends! 

2014 (exhales)

You ever felt like something good was going to happen? It just drops in your spirit? Well I felt that early 2014, but I knew a storm was first.

 2014 was an entire faith walk. Everything that happened was meant to stress me, kill me, and make me fall in despair. 

2014 I realized how strong I was. I realized how much God will take care of me, when everybody turns their back, I learned what favor I have in his eyes. How he adores me.

2014 I fell in love with God. Not like most people just say, I fell deep, desiring him, loving him, praying , and yearning to walk more in obedience. Because what I learned was, he takes care of me entirely. I can trust him, and he can fix my life. 

2014 I had courage to make my dreams come true. Some days I feel like I'm crazy with passion for my writing and the thought of publishing books, and being a award winning writer. I really think some days, the dream is too far fetched. Like why would anyone read something I have to say? Then I hear GODs voice telling me to be patient, to continue doing what I am doing, and in the perfect time, he will put it all in place…I just have to believe and do the work…onward.

2014 I made positive connections, that will forever change the course of my life for the better.

2014 I begin to fall in love with "me" knowing my worth, and not allowing anybody to convince me otherwise, anymore. To let go of most of my pain (2015 this will all be gone). Knowing I'm human and I will forever make mistakes, but I'm forgiven and fall under Gods undeserving GRACE and MERCY. *insert praise*

2014 I learned that when seasons are up to let people go. How to be okay with things ending, I lost long time friendships, because I recognize as I grew, that this relationship did not ever have healthy foundations. Some people are on different waves. 

2014 I learned how to submerge myself in positivity, and how that will save my mental. I knew how important this was, but I learned how to aggressively attack negativity.

2014 I learned the importance of alone time. It's very important and very necessary.

I really could go on. See I didn't receive any material blessings, I didn't want for anything! But I remember there was a time where I felt like material things defined my status in life. I had less than many so I felt inferior. When I begin to acquire material things throughout the years, I still was struggling. Still very unhappy.

What I acquired in 2014 was priceless, and it is going to hold me forever, so that I can have peace for the rest of my life, however long that is. I'm thankful, many people on the outside looking in would see my struggle for 2014. They have no idea how 2014 has forever change the course of my life for the better.

 

2015 is about to be something! I can't wait, my mind is focused, my God is on my side. Later I'll post what I will accomplish this year….i want you all to be well, stay encouraged, and dig deep. You may have learned more than you know in 2014. Sometimes it's not what we receive but it's the lesson learned that is valuable. Think on that! 

Xoxo, ElleVita

Guilt. You been punished enough. Move forward.

"Guilt is a destructive and ultimately pointless emotion" ― Lynn Crilly

 

Girlfriends,

Guilt is the horrible feeling of shame and failure in our hearts! It is nothing more crippling in your life than living in shame!! Being sorry all the time and every day!! ACK!! I listen to a lot of people talk, and it seems like a common denominator is feeling sorry for things from the past. Someone I know suffered from a major anger issue, and I flat out asked him. "What are you afraid of?" I asked him this because as we know anger is the root of fear. He told me that he was angry because of the way his life had turned out and that he was living with making some wrong decisions. He was afraid and feeling guilty about decision that he made. We can all relate to that in some form. I know I can. He was so mad at his  actions, but it radiated out to other people. 

One thing that almost stopped me from a productive relationship with God was guilt. I was ashamed of the bad decisions I made in life, hurts I put on people and my family, major setbacks I had caused myself and my kids. I had lived a Godless life, not  making the right choice. I was not a very pleasant person to be around. I knew that I reaped the harvest from the seed that I had sown. Guilt led to me thinking that God would never forgive me. The feeling of guilt is very tricky, it can make you feel condemn in life. It makes it hard to trust God because the enemy has told you that you cannot be in God's presence. 

Once I realized that he would forgive me, I begin to feel like "well maybe I have to suffer before he can fully forgive me." I could go to church and read the Bible, but I still felt like I was a tremendous disappointment to God. No matter how much, I read about God forgiveness and mercy, I  felt like it was no way I could be forgiven. Or if I was forgiven, I must have to suffer a season before my blessings would start. I was a mess due to guilt and being ashamed. People always bringing up the past does not make you feel any better. Guilt almost made me miss out on the best life I could ever know. I felt too bad, or unworthy to be in God’s presence. I felt like maybe he did not want me there either. 

When you meditate on guilt, it begins to build up all kinds of strongholds. The guilt starts to manifest, and we dwell on our past, we then start to look at ourselves as dirty, and worthless. All types of lies can start to get implanted in our brain. Then the shame begins. The Bible speaks of shame. That shame is a lie straight from satan. The shame keeps us from approaching God with confidence, and the enemy knows that!

But GOD…..

There was no big revelation, or a moment that made me say that I would no longer live in shame. It all came from studying Gods word and many teachings of Pastors. I had to meditate on some scriptures and take a leap of faith. I had to know that God loved me enough. I had to know that his word was not void. When God says he is going to forgive us, he is going to do just that! Jesus dying on the cross gave us that privilege. How life changing, amazing is that!!! Most of all I had to know and really understand GRACE & MERCY. 

Grace and Mercy helped me get rid of guilt in a big way! The two often seemed the same to me, but honestly I can say I did not do much research on either. I had to learn it was Gods MERCY that kept me from being punished for the sins I committed every single time, his GRACE was the blessings (as simple as waking up in the morning) he provided me every day despite that I was unworthy. When it comes to speaking about grace and mercy, I get so excited and always shed tears of joy because I do not deserve any of it, none of us do. We fail him, and we do it without thought. He does not owe any of us a single thing, but he always comes through. Grace the unmerited favor we continue to get. Amen. The mercy comes in because we know we do not deserve anything, but we also deserve harsh punishment…Mercy keeps us from feeling the wrath that we deserve. As excellent as mercy is, let’s not take it for granted, because the Bible also speaks on reaping the harvest, of bad seeds sown. Mercy is a gift to us every day, all day; however, we can feel the wrath of God if we continue to ignore his goodness. I just went off topic, but I do not want people to think, and live in Lala land thinking grace and mercy is a free ticket to sin!! God knows the true intentions of the heart too.

In my case, I often felt like I deserved it. One area I experienced a tremendous amount of guilt is when I was going through depression, and I was not the mother I should have been for my children. I even still feel that. However, I am in transition phase of my life, and I am defeating guilt and shame. God has taught me how to overcome, by remembering his words. How life changing and amazing. 

You have been punished enough.

I do not allow my mind to go back to the past often. I have no interest in the past and most people from it. I also do not allow anybody to make me feel sorry about anything that I did. I have asked forgiveness from people and God, of wrongdoings if they do not forgive me and move forward, I do not care about it anymore. I will not allow people to make me feel bad. I do not meditate on what went wrong. Now let’s be honest, it is only human nature to think about the things that we may regret, especially if we have to live with permanent consequences from bad choices. I am here to say that you are not condemned to guilt forever. The Bible has told us that the first step is personal confession and repentance. When you confess, you are humble and open, during that time you need to accept it. I learned that once I accepted what I had done, no one could use it against me ever again to feel any more guilt. Truth is; people will be people. What I mean by that is our human nature will cause us to be unforgiving and confrontational….people do not think on the same scale as our Father Jehovah. So you must learn that you cannot expect a good outcome all the time when you ask for forgiveness, BUT I am slightly off subject!!!

Girlfriends, we have a purpose that God has called us for we do not have to stay in the past of what we did. We may have sinned, but the sin has been forgiven by God already. So what are we guilty of really? Nothing anymore. Meditating on something that no longer exist is what causes us to develop the shame. We then need to begin to meditate on the fact that we have been delivered from our failures, the Bible clearly states that we can overcome. If God has forgiven and forgotten, why are you still holding on to the guilt? 

And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” (Hebrews 8:12 NLT)

 I challenge you today to free yourself from guilt and shame. The devil is a liar; the Bible tells us he has come to seek and destroy. Do not allow him. Not to mention his lies. Who believes a liar anyway? Bad feelings of shame did not come from God, he would not torture you!! So today again, I say choose to believe your truth! You are forgiven!!

Accept that!

Xoxo, Vita

“Guilt is a useless feeling. It's never enough to make you change direction--only enough to make you useless.” ― Daniel Nayeri,

Pack Light!

Bag lady you gone hurt your back

Dragging all them bags like that

I guess nobody ever told you

All you must hold on to

Is you, is you, is you 

 

 

Erykah Badu had a song out a few years ago called "Bag Lady." When this song came out, I was young, so I did not , fully understand the concept of what Ms. Badu was talking about. I love her music, so for me it was a catchy tune! Fast forward to adulthood and the song not only made sense, I also realized that I had accumulated several bags myself. Girlfriends, those bags, were massive!!! Every single time we get hurt we add a bag, or  brick to a bag we are already carrying.

This song is an excellent metaphor for what many of us go through with holding on to habits, behaviors, lies, hurts and the list can really continue. Anything that hinders our spirit and causes us to feel bad, is what I would consider baggage. We carry the bags around, and they are very heavy, uncomfortable. Think about what baggage  is, for example, when you travel, and you have all these bags. Going to the airport, you can get tired, worn out, out of breathe. IT’S HEAVY!! Same thing for emotional baggage. Why would we want to carry anything that hurts and holds us down, until we can't breathe? I sure do not! And neither do you.

 

Girlfriends, when we hold on to baggage it does hurt. I had to think critically about it like this: the people or the thing that hurt me is still functioning and being productive in life. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here hurting bad dragging the baggage everywhere. In my romantics relationships, friendships, at work, and with my family. I had no energy for life. Everything began to be too cumbersome. The bags also begin to weigh heavily on the people around. Then it becomes unfair because now you are affecting innocent people around you. I know for me, I did not notice how it was taken a toll on other persons. How my circumstances would ultimately lead people to have to bail me out, or maybe they just were depressed looking at me and my misery. Whatever the case maybe, those bags were in my way big time.

Truth is a lot of us are not able to face our baggage. Sadly some of us are just in a denial. So then, we mask it and try to hide the baggage, which leads to pretending that we are fine. I remember when one of my attempts at therapy revealed that I was not doing a good job  hiding the bags. See because she was emotionally healthy she could feel my despair. The first thing she told me was I had a presence that was hefty. Not only could she see my bags, they we heavy to her being in my presence. So apparently I wasn't hiding very well. It was disheartening, but a turning point in my life as well. So I am forever grateful for that experience. There is freedom. The first thing is to accept responsibility for your life, exactly where you are. When I begin to do this, I started to be delivered. Now I must warn and say this does not  feel great. Especially when I had to realize I was a messed up individual. I even shudder at it now. We cannot be delivered from the emotional pain and heaviness of the baggage without God. The good news is he has promised to restore us to whole. Girlfriends, you have to believe he will do it! The extra baggage will not falloff overnight, and there is no time limit as to when you have to recover. The truth for many of us is we many fall victim to some of our old habits. My entire healing was a process, and it is a process that is still going on. I am a lot better, a whole lot better.

 

One day all them bags gone get in your way

One day all them bags gone get in your way

I said one day all them bags gone get in your way

One Day all them bags gone get in your way 

The truth about baggage is that it ultimately leads to destruction in areas of our lives when we could be more productive. No two people are the same, so how people deal with baggage could be different. Some behaviors that could be a mask is over/under eating, sexual promiscuity, alcohol or drug abuse, displaced anger or even overspending. The baggage can cause us to lead destructive lives one of the reasons to that it has to be let go. The bags get in your way.

 I found a list on intouch.org that breaks down the issues that arise when we carry around extra baggage in our lives.

 1. A poor self-image. Negative comments can cause us to doubt our value.

2. A defeatist attitude. If we think we're beaten by our circumstances, we'll never try.

3. Feelings of rejection. Being devalued by others is painful and leaves us feeling unworthy.

4. Perfectionism. If we think everything must be done flawlessly, we won't take risks. 

5. A fear of failure. We'll miss excellent opportunities from God if we let anxiety hinder us. 

6. Procrastination. Putting off tasks keeps us from accomplishing our goals. 

7. A lack of self-control. If we can't control our impulses, we're easily persuaded and led off track. 

8. A lack of concentration. When our minds drift, we can't accomplish much.

9. A negative attitude. Pessimism has an adverse impact on our work and relationships. 

10. A suspicious attitude. Being suspicious of others' motives keeps us from accepting love and friendship. 

11. Indecision. The inability to make decisions prevents us from progressing. 

 

I found this list to be a perfect description of what could be the result if we continue to carry different types of baggage around.

For myself, all eleven of these issues were evident in my life. Which ultimately caused me to lose at life. Every area of my life was indeed suffering to the point my physical health and appearance were suffering. I let all types of anxiety and depression just take over my life. I am so happy God rescued me. So happy. Nothing is worth carrying the load of all those bags. Especially when we do not have to. 

"Sometimes the past should be abandoned, yes. Life is a journey, and you can't carry everything with you. Only the usable baggage." ~Ha Jin

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (Psalms 147:3 NLT)

I had to put what I could not fix before God and beg for his help; then I had to believe that he would help me. When we ask for Gods help, we MUST believe that he will fix it, without our interfering. When Jesus died, he wiped away any sin that would arise, but also the effects of the sin from our harmful past.

But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. (Isaiah 53:5 NLT)

Leave the past behind us and move forward, in other words, drop the bags so you can have your best life. I love to read and write naturally, so I used what I knew and loved to help me heal. It worked. I believe in therapy and group therapy as well. It helps. I figured that these people do not know me so what would be the harm in opening up and trying to some other perspectives. The truth is being alone is not going to help the healing process, we need others around. We need people to pray for us, to talk to us, and keep us encouraged.

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (James 5:16 NLT)

I must admit being obedient to James 5:16, was extremely hard for me, because one of the bags I carried was distrust. I  felt like I could not trust anyone with my issues enough to ask for prayer. Surely I would be judged! The only person I trustis my mother and I did not want her to be even more disappointed in me for things that I suffered with still (which by the way, was a delusional thought. My mom rocks and now I know will help me through any setback). I just  felt like ashamed and embarrassed. I told God that I could not comply with this scripture (funny? Huh?) I was too scared to confess my sins to anyone. My God had a plan for action, and he sent me a group of women to support me through my tough journey. They still are my biggest supporters to date! My good, GREAT girlfriends. When I am weak they are strong, and it goes both ways.

 

I have to admit I have some amazing people that love me. I often felt so alone, but that is an old trick of the enemy, to isolate you and then pounce.....anyway. One critical factor that I know is we have to begin to look at our past and the pain in a different way, once we begin to heal the bags get released and is no longer heavy. The past is not so hard to look back at. As I sit and write today, I can honestly say that some events in my life I am still hurting from. Most of the pain has healed, but what I am confident of today is that God is going to restore me. I know I have to one day believe Roman 8:28 in the whole sense of what the scripture is saying. I believe that it is true, I just struggle with some pain from the past. This pain I cannot see right now how it benefits or helped who I am today, this pain I cannot look back and see it as anything but pain. YET! Being thankful, grateful, and trusting God makes this pain hurt less.

 

Pray! Pray! And pray some more about what is haunting your life. What is it that you cannot release? I challenge you today to line those bags up one by one, and begin to unpack. Lighten your load. Pack Light.

 

Xoxo "Vita"

Do You Feel It? (Repost)

Disclaimer: I had to repost the follow blog due to the visibility on the main page. !!

Don't judge your feelings. Each time an emotion surfaces, this is a sure sign that you are working through it in order to release it. ~Iyanla Vanzant 

Girlfriends,
I love this quote because it helped me understand that when I am feeling out of sorts, it is ok.

I use to get very down often on myself because I feel like some situations I just need to get over, and being sad should not be an option. While I know that I should "get over" and not live in my emotions, it is okay to feel them too. How does one balance this? I believe the first step is to not beat ourselves up for being sad. Whatever, the lost may be, it's valid, and important to you. I'm still learning, as a Scorpio woman it is always a constant battle to overcome your feelings. God gave us emotions, so apparently they're not bad things. 

**God, my God, I yelled for help and you put me together. God, you pulled me out of the grave, gave me another chance at life when I was down-and-out. (Psalm 30:2, 3 MSG)** 
 
It is all about that redirecting your mind, you have to get into the habit of switching your thoughts. I can't stress spending time with God enough. Look around your environment, clean house, smell good candles, good music. I'm big in Feng Shui...setting up a healthy environment. Doing all this does not mean you will instantly feel better, but sitting around sad is not going to help either. Emotions can be overwhelming, I think a lot of people need to know, its okay, not to be okay.  Every situation is different, and how we react is different as well. The one thing that still gets under my skin is someone telling me how I should feel, or better yet, telling ME how they feel, and I should fall in line with that. Absolutely not! 
We all have emotions, how we managed them is the key to being healthy. I spent way too much time reacting to how I was feeling. I called it an emotional disorder, and I'm not even sure if that is a real issue nevertheless that is the way I felt. This was so traumatic for me that living in my emotions cost me everything, short of losing my mental all together. I had to hit an emotional dead end before I realized, God I need help. The first thing that begin to happen was I realize an unhappy pattern. Realization was critical for me. From there, I begin to seek God earnestly in this area. I would be a liar if I said that I did not struggle still in this field. 
This may not be an issue for many but for me it was real, and that is why I wrote this blog. I try always to follow the Holy Spirt instructions. I was going to write about something else, and this became a topic. I know I am not alone with those feelings.  God revealed to me through Joyce Meyers that I had to be very careful not to entertain every single thought that came to my mind, because thoughts and feelings do not dictate truth to us. I was depressed and down and out because I had not come to terms and took responsibility for some truths about myself. We must face the truth and take responsibility for our actions. When we do that and ask God to help us, the spirit of heaviness leaves us, and we feel light and free (Joyce Meyer).

PRAISE JEHOVAH for this truth. Again, this is just my story. 

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. (Philippians 3:12-14 MSG)”  

 When I began to allow the Holy Spirit to come in a clean me out, I had an AH HA!! moment, which by the way I LOVE those. 
It was clear...   My purpose, passion, and excitement. My mentors are writers. Inspirational messages and readings helped me shape my life, as a little girl I read books and gained knowledge through them since I was five years old. I excelled in English and literature in school, in college I wrote perfect papers with great imagination. My struggles and how I tell my story with no filter to those who struggle with the same setbacks have inspired many and I did not do it for fame, I want to help. I want people to know that just because you are written off from family and friends that doesn't make you hopeless, worthless, or incapable of a healthy life. As we speak I am going through a tough time, but I know God is preparing me for the next level, and some purging is needed. I have some rough edges that must be smoothed out, and I get it. And guess what? I will always be working to that next level…Creating my legacy here on earth. But what we must not do is allow emotion, and people to make us feel horrid. My life, your life is not carried out to seek the approval of others. Stop trying. Dust yourself off and keep moving. If you live for the approval of others, surely you will die by their rejection. You can't let the devil win, he has already lost, and you only lose by forfeit. This life is hard, but the Holy Spirt equips us. FIGHT for your life God promised he would help, and you have to believe that. 
Girlfriends, please don't wither away in emotion. If you just go through the process, trust God, it will be all worth it when you make it to the other side. I often compare it to walking through a literal storm, as you go thru it the rain, hail winds are knocking you around, and it hurts. You feel like if I can just take cover under this shelter until the storm passes then quick relief. Girlfriends, you got to walk through that storm, understand it’s uncomfortable, but you’re walking towards the sunshine, and rainbows...and how beautiful!

xoxo, Vita

Take Responsibility for your happiness

It was a process…

 

I didn't always have a kind word to say to myself. I didn't always believe God could bring me out.  I began to get real tired. Life can leave you so bitter right?  I was so tired of being defeated, so tired of living this life of barely making it by.

 

One of the most important lessons I have learned is that I cannot count on someone else to make me happy. God has given us the ability to take responsibility for our own happiness.

 

I began to speak what I wanted in my life. Then I began to believe it. I began to search for myself, believe in myself. I stop excepting whatever it was that people believed about me, heck I had to stop believing what I believed.

 

I knew I was powerful, I knew I was strong, and I knew that this was NOT the life God intended for me to have. I was living a loser life. I as aware of what was going on, just unsure as to how to change it. I had to channel that strength and wisdom.

 

So much had hurt me, so many people, so many things I accepted. I hurt myself but this last time was enough. I poured my all into a situation only to get so hurt this last time, the only way I could go was up. I had to rebound and this time for good.  No more. No more giving any person pieces of me, while leaving me nothing.

 

SHE SPOKE NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS

 

It's easier for me to redirect my mind to positive things. To all the good that I have. I asked God to help me be grateful for everything. We go through life worried about a tomorrow that is even promised to us. We think that if this or that would just happen, then I will feel better. When actually the key is being satisfied right were you are.

 

HAPPINESS IS A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION

 

We are going to go through life and tragedies will happen, setbacks will occur, things that will be unfair are going to happen. Life has no playbook. You don't arrive at "happy" and stay there. You must believe what God’s Word says about you more than you believe what others say or what your feelings or own mind say. Your circumstances aren’t your problem, because they won’t last—but until you change your thinking, no matter what’s going on in your life, you’ll still be stuck. But no matter what happens, God has promised to be your source.

 

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)

 

Have a Belief for  your life, be the best positive you. Fight for your dreams. We have one life to live. Take a minute to look into your heart. What do you see there? How do you feel about yourself? If your answer does not agree with God’s Word, I want to encourage you to begin today renewing your mind about yourself. SPEAK NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE….

 

Be encourage, xoxo

Vita

I can also do GOOD by myself

Girlfriends!!

Good Saturday evening! I wanted to blog tonight about changing your environment. I often hear fellow girlfriends talking about how their circle is growing small; however nothing  seems ever to change. It begins to be the same cycle of misery. Let us face it, we do not want relationships to ever end, and we love the people we call friends. Sometimes you outgrow people, or maybe they have outgrown you. 

"You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself"

I once heard a saying, "Show me your five closest relationships, and I will show you your future. Praise Jehovah! That was a scary thought for me at one time. Currently in the present, my five closest relationship are beautiful (smile). I am going to speak about the type of environment we are around in this blog, please feel free to log in and leave a comment. I learn from people, and enjoy doing so. 

Wisdom: You are what you attract! ~JoLynne Valerie (Paragoddess)

When I begin writing, and having a desire to be out in the public eye as a motivational figurehead. I struggled with how transparent I would be. How much of myself would I put out there for other people to know? I am a Scorpio woman, and the nature is to be very private. So I am going against the grain of what my natural response is. Then it was always the stigma, of caring about what other people thought about "Vita. What would be said? Well, what God is still teaching me, and the reason I am pursuing my career in writing harder than ever, is that it does not matter what people think because the dream is mine alone. NOTHING, I mean nothing is impossible for God to bless, grow, and expand! Believe that. I sure do. So I press on….

 What I know is I was a very broken person on the inside. I was depressed and often did not realize I was just a cynical, miserable person. When you are that person, it is impossible to love, or to be kind, or even loyal. Thankfully, there were some amazing people on the way that loved me regardless. God’s love never stops, but I could not understand that, just like many of you probably feel that way too. I will touch on that later.

Now that I can look back on situations and my dealings with certain people I learned that those relationships were draining, and toxic, and ultimately we meant each other no good. We would say we were loyal, genuine, and had a love for each other. However, now that I am allowing God to renew my mind, and I am growing for my purpose I see differently. How could any of us in the toxic group bare love and loyalty? Half of the time we lived in regret or pain, low self-esteem, pride, and everything that was entirely opposite of the fruits of the spirit. (Fruits of Spirits--- Galatians 5:22). Anybody in that condition is just not capable of being loyal. I know I was not. The truth is I was attracted to people that were just like me. And we were all a glorious disasters together. Just sad! I had a circle of people that did not have much, did not offer much. Misery loves company.

 I felt like these people "get" me, and we have experienced some of the same situations. We were truly kinder spirits. What is that good for when you're as stable as two cripples, sharing a crutch!

This pertained to even the men I found myself tangled with. Needy, damaged, and broken men are just as bad as women. They cannot love you because they haven't the tools to be the man that God called them to be.

You become tired of being sad, and you look up, and it is always some  conflict. You never  feel good about yourself, and you are just miserable.

You have to be very careful when you decide to be a friend to someone. Vibes and spirits are indeed real, and they will invade your space and then you could easily be influenced by someone else's bad behavior. You become very similar to the type of friends you have. That is why it is important to me to have people around who encourage my relationship with God, my family, and my very life purpose. A prayer that my auntie the Revered Doctor B told me pray was the following:

"Lord let the right people come in my life at the right time, for the good purpose that I may establish the right relationships." It makes life easier, I added my  extension to the prayer: "Please God, allow me to except who has to leave my life, and be ok with it".

“You need to associate with people that inspire you, people that challenge you to rise higher, people that make you better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your growth. Your destiny is too important. `Joel Osteen

My personal experience with dangerous environments were hurtful, life changing experiences. I had one girlfriend in particular that I adored. We met 00when we both were going through rough times in our life. This relationship was very important to me because after finding myself in a depression for about three years, she was the first friend I had. However, this friendship was not what I had put in my mind. This person hurt me to the core, and to be honest I hurt her as well. Why? If this was my friend, right? This was not a real friendship. I struggled and prayed for many years about the hatred that I had for her, then it grew to a general dislike….When I decided that I wanted to be free from any ill feelings, I knew I had to pray harder. I actually grew to not like her, I even tried to convince myself that it was over, and I did like her. Nope. I realized she was toxic to me, and I may even have been toxic to her. This relationship I grew too dependent on. Our season was up, no more communication. She did not make me feel good as a person. I deemed her a haughty know it all, who easily points out the imperfections of others, while neglecting her  issues. I found myself always feeling the need to explain who I was, and what I mean. I would not be accountable if I say that the entire breakdown of our relationship (because it was never a friendship for real) was her fault. I will say that she did not make me feel good, she still doesn't. While I do not hate her, or even have a dislike for her at this point in my life, sometimes you just feel nothing. I actually do n't feel anything about her, it is just a time of my life that has passed on. I sincerely wish her well, but I have no feeling there to feel the need to call and catch up or check up! (Still a sore spot, can you tell? It’s okay though, and we are growing together).

She was not the only or the first type of toxic environment that I found myself in. I was in a marriage, and with a person for ten years that was a bad situation to be in. Then after the ten-year relationship was over, I found myself in the same darn relationship with a different person!!! What was going on here? I was attracting, who I was…but this time it hurt enough to make a life change. God will allow us to dwell in our mess over and again until we are ready to give our entire life over to him. I am willing to take accountability for some of the pain I experienced dealing I was a broken individual, but God has a saying for the broken hearted (Psalms 34:18). When you are brokenhearted God sees you, he shines through your cracks (smile).

Season is up! God is teaching me to be okay with relationships being over. God will teach you the same thing, and it is why he is here in our lives guiding and waiting to be called upon. God wants for us to be able to trust him and call him when we are in trouble. He wishes to rescue us and take all our problems away so we can live to our purpose and have peace through him. (Psalm 91:14-15) It is not going to be easy to journey some days alone. But rather it is good or bad, you can do it by yourself.

Girlfriends, we tend to settle for situations because it is easier to be in it than to have to start over and be without. When relationships end, rather it is a love interest or friendship it leaves a feeling of emptiness, maybe even some guilt if we played a part in the relationship being over. A big emotion for me was the failure. I felt like here; I have failed at something again. Everybody that comes in your life does play a part of the person you become. My goal is to help you feel better and realize that even if it was a negative experience, focus on the good that came out of it. If you cannot see how, you benefited from this broken relationship, try to dig a little deeper. One lesson you may have learned was that you were never going to settle or sell yourself short, ever again. It very well could be a lesson that teaches you to treasure, and value people a little better. It is always better to be around people that build you up, instead of putting yourself in a position with people who you really do not feel good around. Being around people who were positive in life, was essential to my healing, I networked with new people outside my norm. God was dealing with me in my life at the time, and I just believe that he brought the right people at the right time. This time I did not close myself up, but I embrace them, and it was the best decision I ever made. When I and my girlfriends get together, rather it be an online forum or face to face at a Girlfriends Brunch (coming soon! Yay!) We have kind words to share, love to offer and it just feels right. 

People that walk away! Say goodbye, I had a awful habit of chasing down people because I did not want relationships to end. When people decide that they no longer wish to be in your life, do not chase them down. Sometimes the season is truly up, and you will save yourself a ton of heartache if you would just surrender and let them move on and you do the same. Do not beg, let them go. God ALWAYS replaces ashes for Gold. 

We can count it all joy, when we put God into the mix, and allow him to guide us.
Blessings, Xoxoxo
Vita