Girlfriends!!
Good Saturday evening! I wanted to
blog tonight about changing your environment. I often hear fellow girlfriends
talking about how their circle is growing small; however nothing seems ever to change. It begins to be the
same cycle of misery. Let us face it, we do not want relationships to ever end,
and we love the people we call friends. Sometimes you outgrow people, or maybe
they have outgrown you.
"You will evolve past certain people. Let
yourself"
I once heard a saying, "Show
me your five closest relationships, and I will show you your future. Praise
Jehovah! That was a scary thought for me at one time. Currently in the present,
my five closest relationship are beautiful (smile). I am going to speak about
the type of environment we are around in this blog, please feel free to log in
and leave a comment. I learn from people, and enjoy doing so.
Wisdom: You are what you attract! ~JoLynne Valerie (Paragoddess)
When I begin writing, and having a
desire to be out in the public eye as a motivational figurehead. I struggled
with how transparent I would be. How much of myself would I put out there for
other people to know? I am a Scorpio woman, and the nature is to be very
private. So I am going against the grain of what my natural response is. Then
it was always the stigma, of caring about what other people thought about
"Vita. What would be said? Well, what God is still teaching me, and the
reason I am pursuing my career in writing harder than ever, is that it does not
matter what people think because the dream is mine alone. NOTHING, I mean nothing
is impossible for God to bless, grow, and expand! Believe that. I sure do. So I
press on….
What I know is I was a very broken
person on the inside. I was depressed and often did not realize I was just a
cynical, miserable person. When you are that person, it is impossible to love,
or to be kind, or even loyal. Thankfully, there were some amazing people on the
way that loved me regardless. God’s love never stops, but I could not
understand that, just like many of you probably feel that way too. I will touch
on that later.
Now that I can look back on
situations and my dealings with certain people I learned that those
relationships were draining, and toxic, and ultimately we meant each other no
good. We would say we were loyal, genuine, and had a love for each other.
However, now that I am allowing God to renew my mind, and I am growing for my
purpose I see differently. How could any of us in the toxic group bare love and
loyalty? Half of the time we lived in regret or pain, low self-esteem, pride,
and everything that was entirely opposite of the fruits of the spirit. (Fruits of Spirits---
Galatians 5:22). Anybody in that condition is just not capable of being
loyal. I know I was not. The truth is I was attracted to people that were just
like me. And we were all a glorious disasters together. Just sad! I had a
circle of people that did not have much, did not offer much. Misery loves
company.
I felt like these people
"get" me, and we have experienced some of the same situations. We
were truly kinder spirits. What is that good for when you're as stable as two
cripples, sharing a crutch!
This pertained to even the men I
found myself tangled with. Needy, damaged, and broken men are just as bad as
women. They cannot love you because they haven't the tools to be the man that
God called them to be.You become tired of being sad, and you look up, and it is always some conflict. You never feel good about yourself, and you are just miserable.
You have to be very careful when
you decide to be a friend to someone. Vibes and spirits are indeed real, and
they will invade your space and then you could easily be influenced by someone
else's bad behavior. You become very similar to the type of friends you have.
That is why it is important to me to have people around who encourage my
relationship with God, my family, and my very life purpose. A prayer that my
auntie the Revered Doctor B told me pray was the following:
"Lord let the right people
come in my life at the right time, for the good purpose that I may establish
the right relationships." It makes life easier, I added my extension to the prayer: "Please God,
allow me to except who has to leave my life, and be ok with it".
“You need to associate with people that
inspire you, people that challenge you to rise higher, people that make you
better. Don't waste your valuable time with people that are not adding to your
growth. Your destiny is too important. `Joel Osteen
My personal experience with
dangerous environments were hurtful, life changing experiences. I had one
girlfriend in particular that I adored. We met 00when we both were going
through rough times in our life. This relationship was very important to me
because after finding myself in a depression for about three years, she was the
first friend I had. However, this friendship was not what I had put in my mind.
This person hurt me to the core, and to be honest I hurt her as well. Why? If
this was my friend, right? This was not a real friendship. I struggled and
prayed for many years about the hatred that I had for her, then it grew to a
general dislike….When I decided that I wanted to be free from any ill feelings,
I knew I had to pray harder. I actually grew to not like her, I even tried to
convince myself that it was over, and I did like her. Nope. I realized she was
toxic to me, and I may even have been toxic to her. This relationship I grew
too dependent on. Our season was up, no more communication. She did not make me
feel good as a person. I deemed her a haughty know it all, who easily points
out the imperfections of others, while neglecting her issues. I found myself always feeling the
need to explain who I was, and what I mean. I would not be accountable if I say
that the entire breakdown of our relationship (because it was never a
friendship for real) was her fault. I will say that she did not make me feel
good, she still doesn't. While I do not hate her, or even have a dislike for
her at this point in my life, sometimes you just feel nothing. I actually do
n't feel anything about her, it is just a time of my life that has passed on. I
sincerely wish her well, but I have no feeling there to feel the need to call
and catch up or check up! (Still a sore spot, can you tell? It’s okay though,
and we are growing together).
She was not the only or the first
type of toxic environment that I found myself in. I was in a marriage, and with
a person for ten years that was a bad situation to be in. Then after the
ten-year relationship was over, I found myself in the same darn relationship
with a different person!!! What was going on here? I was attracting, who I was…but
this time it hurt enough to make a life change. God will allow us to dwell in
our mess over and again until we are ready to give our entire life over to him.
I am willing to take accountability for some of the pain I experienced dealing
I was a broken individual, but God has a saying for the broken hearted (Psalms 34:18).
When you are brokenhearted God
sees you, he shines through your cracks (smile).
Season is up! God is teaching
me to be okay with relationships being over. God will teach you the same thing,
and it is why he is here in our lives guiding and waiting to be called upon.
God wants for us to be able to trust him and call him when we are in trouble.
He wishes to rescue us and take all our problems away so we can live to our
purpose and have peace through him. (Psalm 91:14-15) It is not going to be easy
to journey some days alone. But rather it is good or bad, you can do it by
yourself.Girlfriends, we tend to settle for situations because it is easier to be in it than to have to start over and be without. When relationships end, rather it is a love interest or friendship it leaves a feeling of emptiness, maybe even some guilt if we played a part in the relationship being over. A big emotion for me was the failure. I felt like here; I have failed at something again. Everybody that comes in your life does play a part of the person you become. My goal is to help you feel better and realize that even if it was a negative experience, focus on the good that came out of it. If you cannot see how, you benefited from this broken relationship, try to dig a little deeper. One lesson you may have learned was that you were never going to settle or sell yourself short, ever again. It very well could be a lesson that teaches you to treasure, and value people a little better. It is always better to be around people that build you up, instead of putting yourself in a position with people who you really do not feel good around. Being around people who were positive in life, was essential to my healing, I networked with new people outside my norm. God was dealing with me in my life at the time, and I just believe that he brought the right people at the right time. This time I did not close myself up, but I embrace them, and it was the best decision I ever made. When I and my girlfriends get together, rather it be an online forum or face to face at a Girlfriends Brunch (coming soon! Yay!) We have kind words to share, love to offer and it just feels right.
People that walk away! Say goodbye, I had a awful habit of chasing down people because I did not want relationships to end. When people decide that they no longer wish to be in your life, do not chase them down. Sometimes the season is truly up, and you will save yourself a ton of heartache if you would just surrender and let them move on and you do the same. Do not beg, let them go. God ALWAYS replaces ashes for Gold.
We can count it all joy, when we put God into the mix, and allow him to guide us.
Blessings, Xoxoxo
Vita
