Move
"Replaying a painful
memory over and over in your head is a form of self abuse. Toxic thoughts
create a toxic body. So make peace with yourself and your past. Heal your
thoughts and you heal yourself."~ Jerose
Girlfriends,
I remember not quite understanding how to continue my life.
I was stuck in the past dwelling in the devastations of situations that had
long passed by. It was destroying me!
A turning point in my life was when someone told me to “get
over it”. I remember thinking to myself, “well it hurts so badly, and it is NOT
fair!" I can remember thinking…I cannot believe she said that to me. GET
OVER IT. “Well, I can't, and this just hurts too bad, and they should not have
done that to me.” They should pay, and I want them to have bad things happen to
them!
Well, guess what? Life went on. Those people or situations,
that hurt so bad, moved on too. I was determined to stay in the past because it
was not fair. I did not do anything to deserve it. Can you guess what happened?
I lived a miserable, hurtful, unproductive, sad life. I suffered from
depression, being overweight and very unhealthy. Extremely negative and mean. I
was pitiful. ( I can't dwell on that because, its death. That is the past, but
I felt the need to share).
(Sometimes, it is hard for me to be transparent because I am
such a private person. The wrong choices, I made, are sometimes too
embarrassing to me, or I feel inferior. Guess what I am not alone, and neither
are you!! God makes it very clear how much to reveal right now and how much to
keep. Right now, someone needs to hear how my life was a disaster because I was
existing and not living. So I decided to move.)
Move from the past. Everything, that happened, was unfair,
it wasn't my fault but it is my responsibility to grab control of my life. No
one was going to hold my hand, nor could they force me to live. If I wanted
more for me and my kids; I had to do the work. The work was not and still is
not easy. However, it comes a time when you have to make the decision basically
to live or die. There were plenty of people that prayed for me.
<<Let me stop here and say….Praise God that people
never stop praying for me, I believe that it was prayer that kept me strong,
and determine to move finally. So, when someone requests me to pray for them, I
take that serious because it was prayer that saved me. I know in my spirit. I
was determined to waste away. Because everything hurt too badly, and the people
did not care. I was mad.>>
"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus
on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
(Philippians 3:13 NLT)"
We all go through trials and turbulence. That is certain in
this life, and honestly it is going to hurt you to the core. It is going to
shake your world. It can also help you grow to the next phase. I run into
people all the time stuck in the past. Well let me be the first to say to
anyone dwelling on past pain, you need to get over it.
Allow yourself to go through the motions that are natural.
Cry it out and pray to God, and let him know that your spirit is bothered. You
are hurting. Truth is girlfriends; you are hurting yourself even more because
you will not let go, and move. Move goes hand to hand with forgiveness. These
things are not easy, and it takes work to you, and prayer, and studying God's
word. It breaks my heart to see people that are in a stagnant position in life
and can't let go of what went wrong. The truth is; a lot is going to always
going to go wrong in this world. You have to gain the strength that only God
can provide to be determined to move. It is a mind situation; you have to be
strong enough to say “no more." It is even sadder to see someone who is so
determined to not forgive, and refuse to make a move, and that keeps them
stuck. Those people have decided that staying in the pain is easier than moving
forward and regaining their life and peace. It is hard to watch.
Truth is the past not
going to change ever. You have to take responsibility for your happiness. If we continue to crowd our brains
with the negative and do not move on, it leaves no room for the good things we
deserve.
Let me give you some tips that helped me to move.
1.
No expectations on anyone. Expectation keeps us
hurt; we expected people to be loyal and faithful. We expected parents to love
and protect and provide. We expected, and that was the wrong choice. Now I
never knew that I should not expect anything from a person. Well….I learned. Expectations
are predetermined opinions and beliefs of what we feel people should be, or how
a situation should turn out. Free your mind and live in the present. It is only
God who doesn't change. People always will change depending the way the wind
blows!
2.
Love people for who they are. You know I had to
learn first truly, what love was in all forms. Then I had to learn how to love
people truly. I had to realize the people who attacked me and mistreated me,
did so because they have their issues.
When you are at peace with yourself, you do not have time to tear people down
and hurt them. Now just because you need to love people does not mean you have
to be subject to their abusive ways. NEVER!! Sometimes you have to love a
family member or associate from a distance. Love them and do not expect
anything.
3.
Forgiveness for yourself and forgiveness for
others. Forgiving does not mean that you are weak, as a matter of fact, it is a
very high act to forgive. Grace and Mercy are what God offers us every day, and
others do deserve ours as well. We forgive because we are forgiven. We forgive
to move. To say that this happened, I am over it and the situation. Now let me
live the very best life I deserve.
4.
I decided to focus on the present. I refused to
continue to live in an event that could never be changed. I have to continue my
life despite the bad things that happen I have to move. When you focus on the
present day it actually opens you up to being able to move. Who has time to
visit the past? Stop telling the story, living in that moment that has passed.
Move.
5.
I stopped being the pitiful victim and blaming
other people < --------------THIS is a imperative part of the move process.
Ok, check it…maybe you were victimized, and as a result life was difficult. At
some point, choices, you made, were your own. Nobody knows better than I that
hurt can affect you. It will make you unconsciously make wrong decisions. That
is when you have to take control and grow from it. When we play the victim or
place the blame it feels good. We are winning. The truth is who actually cares?
This is a large world and what I have learned is people will only feel sorry
for you for a short while. After that you are just getting on their
nerves.
6.
God. God is
the first step in this process. I do not have to express the need for
prayer, meditation, reading the Bible and more prayer. All the strength, that I
got, came from God. The more you spend time searching for him, the more you
crave it, and he restores the pain to joy.
7.
Write. I wrote the pain away. Writing may not be
your thing, but some other hobbies
maybe. Focus on pursuing your dreams and what makes you happy. Move into it!
The conclusion! I did not want to be a victim, bitter,
unhappy, and careless. I did not want those things to be my identity. I always
knew I deserved more. You deserve more, being God's children we deserve more.
We can have more.
The next few sentences may sound harsh, but if it shakes you
then good. I am also speaking to myself, let us not be fooled I am still a work
in progress, captured by grace and mercy!
Here goes: We need to stop complaining about what has
happened. We need to stop immediately being stuck in the past. We need to stop
with the pity party because it is very unattractive and self-defeating. If you
want to heal, make a decision to do so. If you do not choose to improve, then
you have no one to blame but your self.
You will remain miserable while others around you live. Life will pass you by.
Jesus was tortured, and he was perfect, like who are you? Who am I? He died so
that we can live. If you want to continue the same habits, excellent. But don't
cry to anyone when they ask how life is treating you.
Girlfriends, I was not trying to be mean at all. Sometimes
the truth is not pleasant. The truth IS always necessary. Add a dose of Love to
the mix, and you can receive it better.
When I sat down to write this blog, in my heart I prayed
that my words will be heard. The reason, it is so important to me, is because I
do have a desire to help people through their healing process. The best way I
can do that is with guidance from the Holy Spirit, and being real and
transparent on some topics.
Hopefully, you are encouraged, or led to support someone.
Move. Today and do not hesitate to live the best life God has to offer.
Until next time,
Xoxo, Elle Vita
