Girlfriends!!
Hope all
of you are having a wonderful week and most importantly a good start to the New
Year. Seems like my circle of friends and associates have been having a
powerful start! As they should too, they love the Lord and give him so much
praise! Tonight's blog is nothing in my opinion that is so deep, or profound. I
just kind of want to be candid and chat to my readers about myself and some
lessons, I have learned along the way. Nevertheless, I always hope that my
words inspire someone. Transparency is the hardest thing for me to be, on my
new found walk towards my purpose. It is getting much easier every day. I enjoy
sharing now.
It's sad
to me that sometimes as people we just have to be careful how much to share
with people. I learn some conversations are left strictly between you and God. Truth
is most people don't care and will throw stuff back in your face. They
definitely won't keep things confidential.
I just want you all to know, I am here if you ever need to vent or just a
shoulder. I do not proclaim to have all the answers, but I will try my best to
find out what I don't know.
This is my
life's purpose. I love what I do, and this is just thee VERY beginning. I use
to wonder why God did I go through so many things in my life, could I just die
to end it all? I remember feeling no reason for being, not even for my
children. I figured they were better off without me anyway. Sad thing is some
people even encouraged me to believe that.
One of my good friends said to me one day that she couldn't understand
why I was always getting hit so hard like bad luck followed me. I actually
began to think I was a curse to myself and people. Satan had my mind so messed
up smh! I would be in denial if I didn't say, I caused many screw ups in my
life. I never meant anyone harm.
Well, I
am thankful and proud to say those days are behind me. That does not mean that
trials will not come my direction. I just learn a better way of thinking and
dealing with it all. I can handle my issues better and take full responsibility
when things go wrong. God never said I
would not have trials, setbacks, disappointments, and pain.
I was gifted with
the ability to love. I considered myself to be an overly sensitive person, BUT
that is who I needed to be to fulfill my purpose in this world. I have the gift
to help people overcome. Even with my help, ultimately it is up to the
individual. In this life, you have to choose to eat or be eaten! I have
experienced some terrible things in my life. Some are every bit of my fault;
some were pain caused by others. I am 33 years old and have lived a life that
most people couldn't survive. Some physical, some mental. I have always found
it humorous when people think they know me. Truth is, there isn't a person walking
the earth who know the very details of what I've been through...they only know
the outcome as it began to spill over. I know one day I will have to share
private details, but for now God knows I'm not ready. I adapted the victim
mentality so well; this isn't a testimony of a victim anymore. I no longer feel
the need for pity. Occasionally, when I
fall into my feelings, and yes it happens! I wonder why I am not legit locked
up in a mental institution. Why didn't God just let me die so many
times....I've said before, I was dying, and no one even knew. I don't think
they even cared.
God built me tough like
a Chevy! I take a hit. Get right back up. I've been weak. Mind tormented.
Through it all, even I'm the midst of confusion, there was a seed planted. I KNEW
this was not life, I refused to believe it....so I never stop praying. Never
stop seeking help. No one ever came to save me. I was drowning in despair.
People have their problems and until something awful happens, no one will
notice. Or they will judge. Or they will talk about you behind your back, and
then you will hear...But God, he saved me.
I also had to eliminate bad company. I had to learn to be alone, and dismiss
the loneliness that I thought was killing me. Screw that feeling of being
alone. You ever realize when you are keeping bad company, you still feel very
much alone?
It is some life changing
truth to you attracting exactly the person that you are! I heard that before
and did not want to accept that, I have even very recently told someone else
that, and they refuse to receive it. I just plant the seed and allow people to
grow at their pace. NOW, I have so many friends and associates that are like
minded. I stopped long ago searching for the light and decided to become the
light myself.
If you are so fortunate to
have a great circle of friends, then you understand the value that brings to
your life. I feel like God's light is shining so bright directly on me. I feel
like it took too long to get here. However, I refuse to dwell on it. I am just
happy I am here. I am glad to help anyone who needs it. I am still learning, and I am still a
process.
Sometimes I still slip back into a depression, but usually it comes
and goes. God has renewed my heart so well. He is working it out! I enjoy encouraging
others and uplifting their spirits. I love being the one person anybody can
lean on. I am honored people trust me so much; with the pain that torments
them. My answers all go back to My Lord and Savior. If he can do it for me, no
doubt he will do it for anybody.
Need to talk? Vent? Or have any questions
All email
correspondence remain strictly confidential
© JeVita
Owens 2015 All Rights Reserved
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